What do clocks look like in YOUR house?

CP:  Did you microwave that tamale for 1:70?
Me: 1:70? ::puzzled::
CP:  Yeah, 1:70.  It says 2 minutes but I just did it for 1:70 and it was fine.
Me: Your microwave lets you do 1:70?
CP:  170 seconds.  Just under 2 minutes.
Me:  ::::more puzzled::::
CP:  Oh….. not 1:70…. I get it.  60 seconds, ha ha.  Ok. I mean, I put it in for 200…
Me:  You mean 2 minutes?
CP:  200 seconds
Me:  ::::am I the one that doesn’t understand time??::::
CP:  200 is 2 minutes, right?  I just put if for 200 and stopped it with 30 seconds left, so that’s like 170, right?
Me:  2 minutes is 120 on my microwave. What’s your microwave look like?
CP:  Well I just put it for 200 and stopped it when it said 30…
Me:  …..we’re not putting you in charge of any countdowns.

Adventures in Sandwiches

Subway Girl*:  (points to card machine)  Is not working, is fine.
Me:  ::::hmmmm::::
SG:  It’s stuck.  See, nothing.  Is fine.
Me:  uhhh   (what does this mean??)
SG:  Is not working, is fine
Me:  ok   (do I just leave??)
SG:  Yeah
Me:  uhhh…
SG:  Is not working
Me:  (about to leave)
SG:   Oh, is working.  Let me see card again.
Me:  ::damn, there goes a free sandwich::

* this particular Subway girl has a crush on me that usually results in me getting better sandwiches and free cookies.

Real convo

at the infamous Corner Bistro (which is definitely NOT the home of the best burger in NYC)

Me: what’s going on with your beer?

GF: what’s going on with my tummy more like it

(glance at her plate, see only bun left)

Me: I see you ate all the meat

GF: ….sweaty….